Bringing kids to Birth

I absolutely love bringing all my kids to experience the birth of a new family member. When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I didn't have to even think about it, to me it was a given. My first daughter was 3 when my second daughter was born and she was so excited and anxious to see her baby sister come out. She attended every appointment throughout my pregnancy, all the tests and ultrasound were explained to her and as I was pushing her sister out, I looked over to see the awesome expression on her face and was so tickled by it that it made me smile!
Since then I have included my children in all my births except one - my fifth, he was stillborn. Having my children witness the births of their siblings and giving them roles and duties during and after the births has kept our little family very close and also gives them a better understanding of how our family grows and how important each of them are to each other - and to me.
I realize not everyone feels their children can "handle" being in the room while their baby is being born or during labor, it is a choice to be made by each mother and/or father, however, I have seen women who think their kids wouldn't do well during the event and when it actually occurs, they find themselves very pleased and surprised at how amazing the kids behave and how truly interested the child(ren) become in experiencing such an awesome event. It is a lesson they will not soon forget.
In America we tend to shelter and protect our children from so many things that in other countries are considered a normal way of life - or an expected action or event. America is supposed to be a very liberal and "freedom of choice" nation, yet oftentimes we see a lot of concealment and closed minded "professionals" who shy away from things that really aren't complicated or unnatural. OBGYN's put age restrictions and limits on how many people and who is allowed in the room at the hospital with the laboring mother - which mostly eliminates the siblings, which ultimately makes the decision for you.
Regardless of a woman's decision, it is HER decision to make. Involving the siblings gives them a stronger bond and unity with their family and encourages them to be more involved in caring for their new baby - which can be a huge help and benefit to mom.

"Birth As A Bowel Movement"

This is  a parody of sorts that I did not author, but want to share...

Birth As A Bowel Movement

Imagine if you will, that about a hundred years ago, people began having great difficulties having bowel movements (BM for short). It all came about because of some very unhealthy lifestyles. People weren’t eating correctly because they were desperately trying to be thin and beautiful. They had malnutrition and took a lot of pills and other drugs to help them become and stay thin. People were so concerned with looking good that they put their health aside to get there.

As a result of this lifestyle, many people had a terrible time having BMs. Some people even died. Something had to be done to save these folks. So instead of changing their lifestyles, people flocked to the doctors to have their problem fixed. The problem became so prevalent that people became fearful of having BMs. Everyone dreaded going to the bathroom because of all the horror stories of pain and death. This normal, natural bodily function was labeled dangerous and hazardous and needed to be monitored and controlled to save lives.

Over time, it became the ‘norm’ to go the hospital whenever someone had to have a BM so that doctors could monitor the process and intervene if they needed to. This continued through the years and is still practiced today. An onslaught of new life-saving technology and machinery was invented for us in aiding people to have a BM. It has become such a common practice to go to the hospital to have a BM that people have become uninformed. They don’t trust their own bodies to have a BM on their own. People are scared to have a BM that having one anywhere besides a hospital is considered irresponsible, dangerous and risky. Even though the old, unhealthy lifestyles, which caused the problem in the first place are no longer practiced, having BMs is no longer considered a normal event. Even the healthiest of people go to the hospital to have BMs out of fear that something might happen. The go ‘just in case’.

So, you have to have a BM and even though you are a healthy man and having a BM is a normal, natural physiological function that your body was designed to do, we go to the hospital. We grab the hospital bag and head out the door in a hurry. During the car ride you get very tense because the cramps are coming on strong and you can’t get comfortable. You try breathing through them but this only helps a little with all the stop and go traffic and bumps in the road. Not to mention that you just wish you could be at home and have privacy. Upon arrival at the hospital, you are wheeled up to a room and instructed to put on a gown with nothing else on (it has a large opening in the back which will show you rear end if you get up and walk anywhere). You are told to lie down so that a nurse can examine you. Then a strange female nurse comes in and explains that she is going to have to insert 2 fingers into your rectum to check the progress of your feces. You obviously feel humiliated because someone you don’t know has just touched a very private and personal part of you.

Then the nurse straps a monitor to your belly to measure the severity of your cramps and stick an iv in your arm. This is very distracting and makes the pain of the cramps even worse. Soon, your cramps become stronger and you are getting very uncomfortable. At this point, the nurses change shifts and new nurse comes in. She says she needs to check you again since it’s been awhile and you don’t seem to be making any progress. She inserts 2 fingers again and shakes her head from side-to-side and gives you a very disapproving look. You have not made any progress. You want to try so badly to relax so you can make progress but with the iv, the strangers, the fingers in your rectum and the negative attitudes of the staff, there are just too many distractions and you can’t. By now your cramps are very painful and it takes all you’ve got to just stay on top of them.

The hospital team decides to insert a wire up your anus to determine if, indeed, your cramps are as bad as you say they are. They again insert 2 fingers to check the dilation and fecal decent. They tell you that if you don’t make any progress in the next 30 minutes, they may have to cut the feces out. This causes you to be even more tense and you have a hard time trying to relax just knowing what may happen if you can’t push it out yourself. After another hour of laying in bed, the female doctor comes in and does yet another exam with 2 fingers because he says he wants to be sure the nurses were doing it right. He feels it is time for you to begin to push. So you are in bed, flat on your back with your feet up in stirrups trying to have a BM and pushing with all your might while the strange nurse and a doctor intently watch your anus. The feces is not coming down fast enough so the doctor decides that your anus must not be big enough for the feces to pass through so they make a large cut in your anus to make it bigger. They also need to use a vacuum extractor to help pull the feces out.

You finally manage (with the help of a large cut and vacuum) to push the feces out. You are in a lot of pain, you’re bleeding, exhausted, spent and humiliated. You feel like something in your body is broken and didn’t work correctly. This must be true since you needed all this help for a normally natural bodily function right? The nurse then pushes on your abdomen to make sure all of the feces has been expelled. This is VERY painful but thank God you were in a hospital or else something bad might have happened. Someone stitches you up and are given instructions on how to aid your healing.

So, you made it through. You’re alive and that’s what really matters right? Is it though? What about your pain? What about the humiliation? What about the violation of privacy? What about the anger you feel towards the whole damn thing because your experience could have been completely normal and uncomplicated at home?

Now, this scenario is absolutely and utterly ridiculous right? It seems absurd to go to the hospital for something that could have easily, and much less painlessly, been done at home. The same is true of birth. This scenario is exactly what happened to birth (the ’unhealthy’ habits were obviously a bit different) and many women are suffering, needlessly, as a result. I can attest to the fact that this scenario is VERY common in hospitals today – I have even experienced it with my own hospital birth.

People have been raised to fear birth and to think that it needs the medical community to make it happen. Birth interventions have become so common that people accept them, and every side effect that comes with them, as necessary for a good outcome. And most don’t believe it when someone tells them that it can be so much better if those things weren’t done routinely.

A healthy, informed woman who is knowledgeable in birth had just as slim a chance of dying in birth as someone does while having a BM. All you need to have a safe birth is to be informed and to listen to your instincts (something that is very difficult to do with people watching you – just like it is difficult to have a BM with people watching you!). Birth is safe and simple. Just like having a BM is safe and simple. I need as much assistance while birthing our children as you do while having a bowel movement!

— Author unknown.

Whose decision is it?

So you're pregnant! Congratulations! Now comes all these harrowing decisions on diet, exercise, weight gain, etc... A big decision (for some) is; do I go to a midwife or an OBGYN? The "safe"choice has been the doctor who delivers in the hospital and women will choose one usually based on a recommendation or interviews. However, what if she chooses a midwife? Will her choice be a hospital midwife or an out of hospital midwife? Will she choose a birth center or home birth?
Big decisions, right? So, let's say she chooses to do a home birth with a finely selected midwife. Awesome! Now, let's look at how her partner/husband reacts... interesting. What if s/he isn't agreeable to "all of this" and wants her experience to be in a hospital where "it's safe - just in case something happens" with a doctor who has gone to medical school and has training and a staff prepared to intervene. And drugs, let's not forget the drugs - because we all know partners can't stand to see their women in pain:)
So, not considering parenting styles and methods (a whole other subject) let's discuss the whole birth topic and whose decision it really should be. I know a lot of women will say it's mutual, but, some women relinquish their dream birth experience to appease their mate - is that acceptable?
Thoughts, anyone?

Childbirth Choices - Whose Decision is it?

Often times I get couples who have a difference of opinion on where their child should be born and how. I find this to be interesting because, as a woman and mother of six, I feel it should be a decision that a woman makes and her partner supports and becomes educated about. Our bodies are wonderous and wonderful creations that are capable of doing things our minds can't even conceive. If a woman knows her body and listens, is in tune with and follows it's lead, childbirth won't be the hysterical circus the media, hollywood and hospitals/OB's will have us to believe it is.
Our bodies are perfectly capable of not only creating, growing and developing another human life, but when it's time the body will let us know and begin to open up and lead our gift out of the womb and into the world.
The choices available to women when considering where and how to birth a child are numerous. Some states have midwife services available both in and out of hospital and some only legally allow hospital births. Of course, any woman can decide to have a baby at home, unassisted - which is possible and happens quite often, especially in states where midwifery is illegal. Unassisted women tend to do much more research and gather things they will need on their own, without help or guidance from a professional. Hospital birth experiences vary from hospital to hospital, however, most hospitals are constantly preparing a woman for "emergency cesarean" from the time they are admitted. Cesarean rates in the US are up above 31% now - meaning one in three women have a c-section in a hospital. This number is steady climbing and is absolutely astounding. Some women are scheduling their c-sections the moment they find out they are pregnant - not even considering that they have choices, but allowing another person to make that decision for her.
Giving birth is the most intense, emotional, empowering and beautiful event in a woman's life and should be embraced, celebrated and supported by the woman and her family. To go through the range of feelings and emotions from the beginning of a pregnancy to holding your new baby is beyond comparison or definition and is something that should not be acted upon so irrationally It saddens me to hear a woman say -"My husband won't go for that", or " my husband won't allow me to do that" when referring to a natural or out of hospital experience. Is he going to switch places with her? Is the husband/partner in some way going to become so uncomfortable and distraught that he needs to feel safe and secure in a hospital, stuck in a bed with fluids and drugs being pumped into him? Why should a woman feel pressured into going to a "sterile" (yeah right) environment that is cold, noisy, bright, uncomfortable and smelly when she can labor freely in her own home/ birth center that will be a setting she creates - warm, comfortable, dim, smells like home, able to eat and drink as much as she wants, move freely in and out of the home/center and have anyone she wants around her without having uninvited people or having to meet 12 new people every few hours during a shift change.
Whose decision is it? The answer is (women) - YOURS! Your body, your experience, YOUR decision. IF your partner is unhappy with your decision then they need to become educated or make other arrangements for your event. You are the person who will be going through the labor and delivery, you are the person who will need to be comfortable and create your environment - what will it be???